Let's just face it. Not every church is meant for everyone. You can be worshiping the same God, but you just can't get along with your other "siblings in Christ". No, I'm not complaining about my church. My church is a great place led by passionate and great leaders and filled with equally God-zealous people. They're all talented people with big dreams, and ambition. A friendly face is always around a corner somewhere in its 600 odd congregation. What else do I need more in a Church? Is it not good enough?
It sounds perfectly good all typed written down doesn't it? Yeah, but well the book leaves a bigger impression in content than the cover.
You know, I used to feel a twinge of sadness whenever I hear someone leaving their church. Whether if it's to join another church or abandon God's house for good, the sneaky lil' emo feeling is hiding right in the corner.
Lately however I realized I'm not growing at all. I feel stagnant, I feel unused. Like an over aged basketball player whose coach still kept him in bench out of pity's sake. In addition, I began question the what-ifs.
What if.. I don't want to pray this way? What if.. I don't want to jump around like a bunch of kids on hyper? What if.. I don't want , I just don't want , and I really adamantly don't want to be slain each and every time I stepped up to the altar, so please stop trying to push me down thank you?
Does that make me love God any lesser than the person next to me? Does that make a lesser disciple or a servant? Does that mean the want to serve Him is lesser than anyone else?
I could definitely understand how those people feel now.
I believe a church is a place for us to grow together, not separately. Where we all learn to put our talents to God's work, not to be chosen among the best. Where we can be who we are and what God made us into, not yet another place to plaster a fake character to be accepted among "God's people". This can't be God bringing me out of comfort zone and into wilderness
I guess that's a lots of questions to mull over for now.
A couple weeks back, I was trying to hack a friend's PSP. She gotten a brandnew Ice Silver PSP-2000 but apparently it's not on a hacked custom firmware - namely the infamous M33 firmware ( CFW for short ). So anyhow I did the usual Pandora battery method, however it did not work. Further checks revealed that the new shipments of PSP contains the updated TA-088v3 motherboard. These bad-ass motherboard have new security checks on their logic flow that prevents CFW from being loaded.
It IS because it's an oxymoron hence I chose it as a blog title. As I grow up, vision through my eyes seems to grow darker and melancholy. Everywhere I see there's drama, violence, lies and deceit. There are still goodness around, yes but seeing how "society" and "civilization" degraded really depressed me. At one point of time in life, for all the high self-righteousness I possessed, I lowered myself to the world's standard. It's hard to do good, when you know you won't get any in return or worse bad instead falls. People see a need, people tend to close an eye for fear of deception or arrogance in plain motion ( But I believe it's more to fear ). However, I learned that if I see a need and if I did not fill that need when I could, I'll be punishing myself more than anyone could. Guilt of abandoning, of ignoring will haunt me for a time to come. Ok ok enough about this.. I'll rant all I want about world corruption and personal moral values later.
Acting Naturally, a Vision of Realism? or a Contradiction brought to life? or perhaps the Rebellion of the Realism itself. The scale of my vision of good and evil, hangs in unequal balance. And here is where I chronicle the epic battle
...I suppose that was my intention when I started out this blog. =p PSP is under the "Good" section.
